Quotes

Ron Burgundy: [to dog] You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

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Ron Burgundy: [doing vocal warm-ups] The human torch was denied a bank loan...The arsonist has oddly shaped feet...

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Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

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Frank Vitchard: [to Burgundy] I am gonna straight-up murder your ass! Public TV News Anchor: [behind Frank] Blade! Fighter: [handing him a machete] Here ya go, mate! Frank Vitchard: [public news anchor cuts off Frank's arm] Ah! I did not see that one coming!

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Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh. Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady. Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me. Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people. News Station Employee: [Disgusted] What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair. News Station Employee: [Horrified] Smells like Bigfoot's dick! Brian Fantana: [Tries to act casual and walk away] Woah, what's that smell?

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Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team. Ron Burgundy: That's a given. Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh! [laugh's playfully and pulls on Ron's sleeve] Champ Kind: I miss your scent. [Composes himself, becomes serious] Champ Kind: I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together! Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

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Veronica Corningstone: This is pathetic. Ron Burgundy: You're pathetic.

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Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian? Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off. [to the Panda] Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk! Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.

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Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town. Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there.

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Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up. [opens cologne cabinet] Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight. Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent. Brian Fantana: Oh yeah. Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way. Brian Fantana: Yep. Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline. Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time. [cheesy grin] Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense. Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr. [snarls]

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Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron? Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man. Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love. Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?

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Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women. Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron. Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.

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Brian Fantana: [seriously] I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head. Brick Tamland: [breaks out laughing] That's a good one.

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Veronica Corningstone: Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.

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Ron Burgundy: [to waiter] I'll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper... and some cheese.

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Veronica Corningstone: Excuse me. Ron Burgundy: Excuse me, Ms. Corningstone, what are you doing? Veronica Corningstone: I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story, Ron. Ron Burgundy: Well, I'm using the tape. I'm showing Jeffrey here my Emmy tape. We are watching history. Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional, and I would like to be able to do my job. Ron Burgundy: Big deal. I am very professional. Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby. Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman! Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke. Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science. Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir. Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker. Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry. Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island? Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair. Ron Burgundy: [insulted] What did you say? Veronica Corningstone: I said... your hair... looks stupid. [an A-bomb mushroom cloud is reflected in Ron's eyes; the knock-down drag-out fight begins]

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Ron Burgundy: Oh Audrey - I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well if you were a man, I'd punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Alright?

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Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica after the news has just gone off the air] You've got a dirty whorish mouth.

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Announcer: [theme music begins] Channel 4 News, with five-time Emmy-award winning anchor Ron Burgundy. Champ Kind, Sports. Brick Tamland, Weather. And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana. It's the Channel 4 News at 6:00. Ron Burgundy: Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy and here's what happening in your world tonight.

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Ron Burgundy: [picking his teeth] Ribs. I had ribs for lunch, that's why I'm doing this.

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Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name? Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana. Champ Kind: Champ Kind. Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana. Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick. Brick Tamland: Brian. Brian Fantana: I'm Brian. Brick Tamland: Veronica.

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Ron Burgundy: Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. [Standing on the diving board in a speedo] Ron Burgundy: Cannonball!

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[to Baxter] Ron Burgundy: What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your p.j.'s and we hit the hay.

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Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. Veronica Corningstone: Really. Ron Burgundy: People know me. Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you. Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

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Ron Burgundy: [Ron is shirtless in his office and is doing arm curls with dumbbells] 1001... 1002... 1003... Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me. Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back. Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir. Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I? Veronica Corningstone: Yes. Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.

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Ron Burgundy: I'm in a glass case of emotion.

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Ron Burgundy: You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy? Ed Harken: Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?

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Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom. Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact. Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about. Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think? Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon. Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.

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Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina. Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct. Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago. Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego? Ron Burgundy: No. No. Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really. Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.

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Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.

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Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast. Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch. Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it? Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart. Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident? Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident. Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

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Ron Burgundy: Wait, Veronica, please tell me this is some kind of sick tasteless joke. Veronica Corningstone: You weren't here. Why are you being this way? Why can't you just be proud of me as a peer and my gentleman lover? Ron Burgundy: I can't believe you *did* this to me! You read my news! Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor. I told you that. Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke! I even wrote it down in my diary, "Veronica had a very funny joke today!" I laughed at it later that night! Veronica Corningstone: I can't believe that I cared for you. Ron Burgundy: Get out! Just go! We are through. Through! Because of your actions, you *scorpion* woman! Veronica Corningstone: You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy. You have broken my heart.

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Ron Burgundy: Who the hell is Julius Caesar? You know I don't follow the NBA!